Hey guys – Tiff here! Ladies – Have you ever been in a situation where you are dating a guy that just will not commit to you? Have you ever thought that maybe you can try and change him, or “train” him for that matter? Can you say that you have stuck around even though you know deep in your heart that he has done you wrong a billion times? Yet you stay and deal, giving him all access to you, acting like a girlfriend, hoping that one day he will ask you to be his lady. Are you currently in this situation now? Well let me tell you honey…if you are you need to GET OUT ASAP!
After wasting almost 4 years going back and forth with a boy that never intended on committing to me, I have learned my lesson! Let me tell you the difference in a relationship versus a situationship. A relationship is a man and a woman that have both committed to each other, therefore having the titles of boyfriend and girlfriend. A situationship is essentially a relationship that hasn’t been defined by any title.
Signs of a Situationship
• Dating with no title
• No future talk but you all have been a “thing” for months..
• You have not met any of the other persons family or friends
• Hookups are casual yet passionate
• They always have the same vague excuse
• There is no consistency
• They give you just enough hope to stick around
Getting caught up in a situationship is fairly easy. Generally some men give women false hope of one day being ready for a relationship (notice I said some and not all – lol). This leaves the woman thinking that if they wait until the man comes to his senses, they will be their #1 lady and earn that title as “girlfriend.” Why should a woman have to wait for a man to be ready for commitment? Why do some men feel it is necessary to lead females on? With both of these questions in mind, this could lead to a tragic ending because the intentions provided by both partners are not 100% truthful and understood.
For example, Stephanie has been dating Will for 6 months. Her intentions with him is to be his girlfriend and have a long lasting relationship, however Will does not feel the same. He would rather continue to “play the field” but has not communicated that with Stephanie because he wants to keep her around. “I am not fully ready for a commitment right now but will be in the future. I still want us to be friends and keep doing what we are doing in the meantime,” Will said. “Well what exactly are we doing? Let’s discuss this in 2 weeks and just put our intentions out on the table,” Stephanie said. From there, they both had 2 weeks to think about how to proceed forward with one another.
Within this time frame, Stephanie continued to deal with Will’s actions as she was stood up multiple times and not being communicated to. She also thought about how she was never introduced to his friends or family and that no one knew who she was exactly. She was seen as Will’s secret “friend ” in her eyes. 2 weeks pass and it was time for them to meet up to discuss their situation. Will expressed that he was still not ready but once again, wanted to keep her around and that hopefully some day, he will be. The word “sorry” is once again stated for the 10th time via Will’s actions. So what does Stephanie do? She forgives him like she always does in hopes that he will come around. “Maybe just maybe I can change him into a better man for me and then the wait will be worth it,” she thought. As a result, months go by and Stephanie is still technically single while acting as a girlfriend in a situationship.
DO NOT END UP LIKE STEPHANIE! 🙅🏽♀️
It is perfectly fine for a man to not be ready for a relationship, however this needs to be communicated upfront and not down the line as feelings will get hurt. Women need to realize their self worth and learn to love themselves before any man comes in the picture. Ladies – Waiting is NOT the answer! Our time is VERY valuable and should be used only to men that deserve it. There are a ton of fish in the sea and unfortunately sometimes we catch rotten fish. (Speaking of fish, head over to my pescatarian food blog – Tiff’s Eats for some tasty recipes in the menu tab!) It is ok to end up having feelings for someone who may not feel the same, however remember that you are a Queen and have moves to make in the dating world. Men need to be chasing you, not the other way around sis. Do not be that girl that looks back and realizes she wasted years of her life trying to chase a man who never wanted to commit to her.