I am alive and for that I am thankful 🙏🏽
It was February 2016 and there I was…outside in my car, depressed about everything going on in my life. I reached the peak of my darkest moment ever, feeling alone, hopeless, and just ready to end it all. Unemployed, practically homeless and in a mentally abusive relationship, that in itself was too much to handle. “I have been on my own since I was 21 years old grinding it out but I guess this is the end of the road. You can only be strong for so long” I thought to myself. After being laid off from jobs back to back, not knowing when that next check would come, sleeping from couch to couch, and my reputation being ruined, I did not have anything left to live for. Less than a year after my college graduation, this couldn’t be what the real world was all about. All those thoughts had my mind racing!
Walgreens was open so I made my way there. After a short drive, I bought a 10 pack of Claritin D 24 hour (The strongest of that medicine offered) and a big bottle of wine to go with it. Headed back not thinking twice about what I was doing. I had ENOUGH and was ready to go. I text a few close friends and told them I loved them. One friend in particular knew what I was about to do and called me constantly, but I did not answer. Pulled up back to a place I wouldn’t call home and sat in my car. The pain was so numb at that point that I couldn’t even cry anymore. I popped one pill and was prepared to take the rest, following with indulging the entire bottle of wine. Before taking the next pill, something came over mind that told me I had a purpose. From there I left the wine and pills in the car and went in the apartment…
Suicide is nothing to play with and should be taken very seriously. There are thousands of people that have attempted, almost attempted, planned, or even been successful at ending their life. As you just read, I am one of those thousands of people who planned and almost attempted suicide full on. A lot of people are quiet about telling their story because of a feeling of embarrassment, hence why I waited so long to tell my story. My attempt happened in early 2016 and I have kept it to myself until now. Writing this article was difficult along with replaying the scenario as well, however the purpose of telling my story is for the hope of helping someone else who has experienced any parts of suicide.
The following are some points that can trigger suicide or suicidal thoughts:
• A person thinking they do not have purpose
• Hiding pain or feelings from close friends and family
• Depression and anxiety
• Death of a loved one
• A life / tragic event that had a negative impact
Those are just some of the points that can trigger suicide. Keep these points in mind and do your research on what can be done via prevention. Check on your loved ones frequently and tell them you love them. Ask them how their day was and let them know you are one call away.
The advice I want to offer is that we are not alone! What keeps me going is me just being alive. If I am alive and if God woke me up this morning, I HAVE A PURPOSE! Giving up is something that is very easy to do however it is not an option any longer. Telling my story is my therapy and I hope others are brave enough to tell theirs.
I AM BRAVE. I HAVE A PURPOSE. I AM LOVED.
I AM A SUICIDE SURVIVOR. ❤️
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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